You really coming over, don't trick.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
