"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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