shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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