She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
