it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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