I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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