Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
