Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
