brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
