Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
