Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
