Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
