My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
