I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
