i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
