So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
