I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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