how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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