please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
