Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
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