How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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