capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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