I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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