she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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