She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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