my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
