I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
