Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize