My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
