Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
