Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
