I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
