I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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