Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
