you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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