Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
