I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
