Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
