Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
