I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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