I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
