Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
