You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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