yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
And then my night got REAL pukey
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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