I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
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I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
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You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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