she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
