I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
