lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
