I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
