I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My liver just broke up with me...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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