Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
