I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
