I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
