Small penises have feelings too.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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