hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
