Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
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Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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