I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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