Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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