My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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