Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
