Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just cropdusted the office
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
