he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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