so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The power of my boobs compel you
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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