I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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