forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
