I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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