GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
