The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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