His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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