Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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