Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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