my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
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