I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
