Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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